But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As shirtless as possible
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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