The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
