I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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