I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
