Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
