I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
