I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
