census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
