I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
