ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Found your dick twin last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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