I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
