You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a search helicopter?!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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