You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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