That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
