i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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