I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
