I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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