you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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