Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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