So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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