He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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