K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
