I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
