a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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