god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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