I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
