im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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