She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
