He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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