Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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