I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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