just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
