btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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