miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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