i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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