But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
