I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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