I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
