if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
