Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
