benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize