I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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