he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
