I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
