some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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