he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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