I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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