she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
