Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
