I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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