just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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