im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
