You're so nebulous sometimes
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
