He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
