im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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