so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
