She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
