i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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