You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
