I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize