Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
