I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
