how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
