oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
