ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
