I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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